toddler not adjusting to daycare

I suppose I could see if one of the three preschools where his three closest friends are going has an opening, but I don\x92t know if that would be any better. He cried hysterically when we dropped him off and seemed a little down when we picked him up. I am sorry your son is struggling with school. I tell her all about what she can expect for the day (activities, food being served, pick up and drop off) but anything school or daycare related seems to trigger her anxiety and she starts crying and tells me she doesn't want to go. It was just too much for him and it caused all kinds of problems. My son took almost two months to become completely adjusted to preschool. He is not doing well there. My daughter is not adjusting to daycare help! - December 2015 it's taken four months! ''5'' minutes pass (usually more), I tell her it is time to go, she says she's not ready and runs off. But, nothing seems to work. Well, in Europe he has an older cousin (2 yrs older) who goes to school everyday. In what way does the teacher pronouce him ''unready?'' If you think it is the place, and not your child's completely understandable hesitance to spend so much time with strangers, then make a change. Can he get some kind of souvenir of the old place, so that he could carry a part of it with him at the new school? Being cheerful and happy as you say goodbye will help your child understand that everything is ok. The idea is that the child begins to feel that school is a fun place where I can play and make friends not a scary place where my parents leave me all alone. My daughter is 2.9 months and is beginning preschool for five days per week, half days (8-12:30) in Sept. During the month of August we enrolled her in the school's summer program to help her adjust to the school. To which I got a lot of, ''cause I don't like it.'' There are three teachers in the classroom and it seems to be too overwhelming for them. Thanks so much! The teachers at Claremont were amazing. Probably the same. Our daughter started out at an excellent, play-based preschool in Berkeley, which had a very nurturing staff and gave children lots of latitude in their day-to-day activities. If covid and money allows just let him go 5 days per week and it will get better faster. Recite, ''Grandma's right here but I'm doing my work, let's see what you can build with those blocks''. He's also a very attached boy (sometimes even his dad is not good enough when I need to go somewhere during the weekend, not even overnight), he has an acute separation anxiety (crying when guests are leaving after the party), still co-sleep to this day, very hi-maintenance infant and toddler (too long to tell). The nanny stayed all day with her at first, then left for increasing periods of time. By the third week of preschool he barely said goodbye to me because he was so eager to start playing. We were away for the Jewish holiday last week and are going through another round of re-reacclimation this week, so it's been rough. The reverse psychology worked like a charm. 16 answers. Hang the bulletin board at childrens eye-level and place it in a special section of the classroom. Also, I asked for some suggestions from her caregivers. In my case, I knew I had carefully picked out the preschool that best fit his needs. The best way to help your child feel comfortable in her new daycare is to show her that you yourself are friendly with the staff, comfortable with the surroundings, and excited about the situation. That day drop off for us was very pleasant. For the older babies I've seen at our day care, it can take as long as 3-4 weeks for the crying at drop off (and sometimes beyond) to stop. thats really like hes only gone for 2 weeks and the gaps in routine do make it harder for him to feel secure in the new setting. I never even tried to drop her off at a gym daycare because I knew that wouldn't work. During the first month she cried at drop off and when she saw my hubby at pick up but basically was adjusting well after 1 week. For my son, the turning point was finding a best friend to hang out with. Have your mom stay with him for most of the morning, she should bring a book or a laptop and be present but boring and unavailable. Although it has only been two weeks since school started it seems that the kids with separation anxiety are not getting the one on one once the parent leaves the room. Needless to say, my daughter is no longer at this school, but the point I'm making is that my daughter's objections were based on something that was really wrong--not just transition problems. karen. Oh, the toddler years - delightful, frustrating and darn right fun. My gosh, your situation sounds utterly agonizing. She thought that he should be allowed to come home after school, have a snack, play for a little while, and then do his homework and reading with the goal of being done before dinner. It seems he's asking for me the whole day now and he's in tearswhen I drop off/ pick him up. I started to worry he was in the wrong place, and then I thought about it and wondered if I tried to take him any other place FILLED with strangers how he'd react. Adjusting to Daycare: Dealing With Acclimatization Problems With 2 months at part time and missing some for covid he probably needs more time to adjust. But I think that for me I had given my daughter so many second chances to, for example, go to bed, that she didn't know when time was truly up. It could be as simple as a disrupted sleep schedule. Based on my (extensive) readings of developmental psychology, 3 year olds are working at their independence and a sense of self, and need to interact with each other to accomplish this well. If I kiss him and bolt out the door, he goes right in to play and doesn't cry. Interestingly, just last week (he's now 3 1/2 and in his 4th month at his new school) one of the younger kids bit him at school. If your child is having difficulty making any emotional connections -- either with teachers or other children -- it seems to me the aggressive behavior you've noticed would be a perfectly predictable reaction for a three year old. She plays games with the older kids and picks up new words every day, for example. I leave as quickly as possible at dropoff. I wish you well. Your situation sounds a lot like me ~3-4 years ago. BTW my daughter tells me she did nothing all day etc but 3 year old reports are, let's just say, less than reliable. After about 6 weeks, she made friends and got comfortable with the setting and loves it now. So my friend's son kind of falls in the crack, too old for diaper (meaning time to time attention from the teacher) but not old enough to wipe his own (common, he's not even 3). worried mom, If it's any consolation, I think what you're describing sounds still within the realm of normal and age-appropriate. Introduce the idea of day care in the home using story books showing children going off to daycare, or watch children's DVDs showing this. I was the one who asked a very similar question in the fall. [My daughter] seems partial to one of her teachers and actually reached for her (granted, while crying) when I dropped her off this morning. However, we have seen such a huge change, and so negative, that we are questioning the pre-school situation above all. Has your child's key worker been swapped with somebody else? He's been there about 6 months now and doesn't want to leave when I pick him up! With my children I've tried to make the transitions to new schools as gentle as possible. I've tried to speak with the director, however she has not been much help. Here are some separation anxiety symptoms in kids: Feelings of worry when away from family or caregivers. It's not cheapand, again usually out-of-pocket, though you may be able to get reimbursed from your health insurance depending on the diagnosis. there is a new little girl who has started this past month after staying home. So during that trip, every morning I told my son that his cousin is going to school and not crying. Jackie is a mom, wife, home daycare provider, and the creative spirit behind Happy Hooligans. As of this week (week 4) things are much better. Nonetheless, my friend will keep him there because in general he looks happy during drop-off and pick-up; and that school is one of the hottest in the area (Walnut Creek). We are currently going through something similar with our child, who enjoyed school last year but this year was miserable every morning and never wanted to go to school. the day after a goodbye picnic with everyone there was the first day he didn't cry at dropoff). The daycare lady actually requested . My daughter was jet lagged recently and consistently waking up too early in the morning, and was this sleep deprived, and her emotions were just out of control. I can\x92t just quit my job; I would be miserable without it. Any advice, any ideas, any perspective on this would be most appreciated. Overall I like the daycare (Bright Horizons, on site at my workplace), but I wish her primary teacher was a little more warm and animated. Even after having surgery, he cried for the 20 minutes it took the anesthetic to wear off, talked the experience out for the next few days, and was fine with it. Best of luck to you. I'd consider changing schools if these people don't see your child more the way you do. What can I do to help make the transition easier for him? You want to try to convey, with your words, your body, your tone, your expression, that you know he can handle school, that his teachers will be loving and keep him safe, and that, while you realize this is challenging, you are confident that he will be okay and have fun and get to do cool stuff. It is a new facility and her class has about 6 to 8 kids around her age. Hindsight is 20/20 but I really wish that we had figured this out before kindergarten. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Both my children were the same way -- loved it the first week or so than had a tough time for the next two. Alas, sometimes things just don't click for whatever reason. Sumo, We had a similar experience, with a teacher our daughter liked leaving preschool after she'd been there a few weeks, and a disengaged replacement. When I pick him up at the he seems happy, and sometimes doesn't want to go home right away. Trust your gut feelings on that, but don't start second guessing your entire parenting style and philosophy! All rights reserved. All this story is according to my friend, so it might not be the complete scenario what had happened. If your son felt loved and cared for at school, he wouldn't be crying. anon, My older son started preschool (Claremont in Kensington) soon after his 3rd birthday. Within a month of starting school, he has become very aggressive, constantly trying to bite or hit anyone around, including his 9 month old brother. Things just kept getting worse. For example, she loves travelling with me by car, bicycle, train, airplane or boat. Is there anything that would make it easier ''to wait'' at the new place? 3.5 seems old enough to be able to handle a full day if the emotional stuff can be dealt with but the difference between a 4pm pick up and a 5:30 or 6pm one can be huge in terms of how much time you'll have to connect at home after, Hope any of the above help, good luck! There was only about 30 minutes of playtime each day. Each day he states he does not want to go back to school. It's good to introduce the daycare system to children slowly. Although we do not want to change this attachment, in some ways, I feel that this ''attachment'' style may have a lot do with his emotional readiness to start school or perhaps this type of program? She has so much energy and likes to make others laugh often. No more separation anxiety, friendly and social, and we even noticed more rapid improvements in his language. . But I would definitely make sure you give it a fair amount of time before making a drastic change. The teacher says he is ''surly'' all day in class. I moved on and withdrew my child and found a new daycare. We and her nanny talked about it for several months before it happened. Have you gotten to know any of the parents of your son's class? We are wondering if we made a mistake separating him from his last situation. He would stay with one babysitter but I could never leave him in the childcare at the gym or church. After school, he loved telling me he didn't miss me to see me pretend to cry, since he thought it was so funny. This morning she reached for one of the caretakers as we walked in the door. Who wouldn't rather stay home and play on a school day? She is making it clear to you that it is too long for her to be away. The size of the group (about 16 two to three year olds) was also a problem. It may be hard at first but she'll adjust and you'll be so happy you stuck with it! Some teachers just don't like some kids, and the kids can tell. Whether or not she's pooping regularly. Usually there's a teacher nearby whatever she chooses, and I check in with them before saying good bye. What have you guys been experiencing? However, keep in mind that things could change. Most schools let the child spend an hour or two at school with mommy, then the next time they come, mommy gives a hug and a bright smile and leaves. ''. Parents drop off the child for one to two hours. This obviously makes it very uncomfortable 1/2 day versus full day. No Self-Promotion. The program initially allowed for mother and child to spend a 2-hour block of time . The good news is that it does get better; patience and consistency really will pay off. My sister would not have guessed that her daughter's issue was immaturity, given her social nature and intelligence. Preschool Mom, I had a similar situation, although my son was only 18 months. She can't be a 1-1 care giver to your child. Then he said he did miss me to see me cheer, and then he didn't miss me, and I would frown, etc. You have every right to ensure your child's well-being. The next day, after staying with him for an hour, I had to leave him screaming with one of the teachers. Looking for some sound advice. Their advice is always valuable because theyre real parents who have been there and come through on the other side. 8 tips for an easier daycare drop-off for both parent and child - TODAY.com We are looking for an aide to spend one on one time with her in school part time three days a week and wonder if anyone has navigated this process before and can give guidance on where to find such a person? It will be hard, worse for you than her probably. When my kid was 3, he often tried to run to grab me and cried. They've been very caring & nurturing initially. Then one day we broke the cycle. Could it be naptime? Barbara, I should be happy my daughter has so much fun at preschool she doesn't want to leave when I pick her up. He REALLY did not like napping at the day care. Holly, This adjustment is hard on both of you, isn't it? Thanks for the emails - this has been the weirdest/hardest month, but I'm feeling like things are starting to get into a little bit of a groove. We got a babysitter just for him, no share, and she adored him and took him everywhere and he was an angel. This will help settle baby at naptime. playing with him inside when he found the outside time too overwhelming with so many kids), and were cool with my constantly calling to get reports on him while I was at work. Why wasn't it ''hard to wait'' at the old place? My old care provider actually gave me some of the best advice. On the other hand, you might investigate whether your son is picking up this new behavior from any of the other kids. She had difficulty transitioning for a week or two! The Scholastic website suggests leaving a T-shirt or handkerchief with your smell on it. IN general we just need to let him be more independent. He gets very stubborn and negative about routines like getting dressed, throws huge fits about any sort of transition (very uncharacteristic), and has started to tell his daddy that he hates him. The first day he went I stayed for a while because he couldn't leave my side. in the past few weeks when i pick her up, we talk about the drop-off from that morning. We have less disposable income but a much happier child who is doing better in school. Lots of 2 year olds I know still cry when being dropped off but quickly recover and have fun once they get over the initial separation. This might give you a clue as to what both of you might do differently. In retrospect, I think I had some very unrealistic expectations of my son. He seems to accept this much better than talk about all the fun things at preschool. Secondly, like you, I brainstormed with my son what would help feel better at school. Take his claims seriously and consider the possibility that the school is harmful to him. Or does he mope and ask for you? Or send some advice to the new kids starting there? Listen to her. But put him in a class with 15 other 4 year olds and he . Something just sounds off here, and I would really consider looking into other preschool options. At first he was so excited; there were no issues. I'm guessing that starting with ''5 minutes'' is a sure invitation for a power-struggle (rules are made to be broken, after all). Experienced Mom, preschool teacher, postpartum doula. He has bonded with one of the teachers - calls her his buddy. anon. Up until now, she was cared for by my mom in our home in a very quiet environment without any other children. I tell him that I understand it is big, new, and scary (his words), but that every day it will get a little better, and someday he will like it. I'd love to hear from parents who went through this - where did you child ultimately find success? What's affecting her eating.. This is the first time that she has been away from home with someone besides me caring for her because I recently went back to work. I'm in Berkeley, but willing to travel to Albany or Oakland for a good program. He's normally a very easy-going child -- never cries for babysitters (even people he's never met), goes around actively exploring a new environment, doesn't even cry when he's given shots. Allow him to open up in his own time. I think these outside-of-school events helped him to see the other children as friends and not just school mates. Good luck with your next go-around! A contributor wrote that she joked with her kids about them missing her. Dont make a BIG deal about leaving. Shes quite attached to me. Staying longer than 30 seconds generally resulted in him crying; if I dropped him at the door, gave him a big kiss, and left, he transitioned better. Because our class is so big, I walk into the class or yard with my daughter and help her find an activity or group of kids to play with. anon, I had the same experience with my twins. Also consider what kind of preschool you selected. Sometimes the clamor of the children catches his attention, and he goes in and plays for a little while, but never for long. I was never good at being a scheduled person, but now that he takes the same nap at the same time every day, we just follow the same schedule on the weekends and it's wonderful!! However, it was a much larger place than he had been before, and there was lots of stuff going on. First, I worked harder to help the teacher learn about my son--his likes and dislikes, favorite activities, need for alone time, etc. It took my son about six weeks to adjust to preschool--and not just adjust, but to start to love it. My son attended an in-home daycare he LOVED from the time he was 4 months old until he was almost 3, at which point, his daycare provider had to relocate very suddenly. Been There. The teachers are wonderful - they try to invite and include her but she rejects their effort. See group details. So walk in quietly, see what your child is doing, join in, relax, and go home a little later when everyone is in a better mood! Some kids are able to adjust just fine and will nap well at daycare. If you tried at 2.5 and that was too hard for your kid, was it magically easier at 3.5, or still pretty tough? I don't know if this will help, but in times like this, I think of my former co-worker who is in her late 50's now, and was a single working mom back when that was a rarity. It has certainly grown and changed to be more in line with mainstream schools and it was not our younger child's cup of tea. He's very attached to me (dad), but he doesn't have any separation anxiety normally. Hang in there! That is a lot for a ten-year-old to deal with, much less a two-year-old! anon, I feel for you. What to Do When Your Child Isn't Settling Into Daycare If your child is truly unhappy, you will be able to tell--we also had that situation and it never got better. He will pick up how you feel about this. I don't know if this is at all similar to what's happening with your son, but if there is a younger age class available, it might be worth looking into. You might want to try what I call the ''no second chances approach.'' She is crying badly and that is making me feel sad . The first couple of weeks he cried every day when I left him, and for several weeks he wrote me sad ''notes'' (with the teachers' help). Do you have any friends with kids his age? One last thought. Our son had been in part-time daycare since he was about six months old, and his caregivers always reported that he was happy and social. Mostly, he's playing by himself and observing other people. I don't think my expectations are out of line that a preschool teacher should have a kind and caring way about her. Good luck. (Okay, I know that's a lot to convey-- but I am confident you can do it!). With the help of your childs teacher, snap pictures of your childs daily schedule and create a mini-picture album. Like you, I was as sure as I could be that nothing bad was happening at the day care. I don't like doing this, but the longer I stay, the worse it gets when I have to leave. Crying At Day Care/Adjusting To Daycare - Daycare.com Forum PreschoolParent, My little guy was like that last year, and I know how very painul it can be. So my daughter is 11 months old and has been going to daycare for 4 hours here and there. **Anything** and **everything** relating to your toddler! It killed me. He still is sad when I drop him off, and he still says he doesn't want to go, but can also talk about it calmly. Jan 25, 2012 at 7:36 PM. His brother was born last August. I took my 20 month old with me to vote. It is okay if your child does not want to interact and socialize with the other kids or caregivers right off the bat. it can take 3 months for some toddlers to adjust when they go full time so id just give it some more time tbh. However, by November, he loved preschool (still does). She barely reaches for her dad, if I'm holding her, when he reaches out to her, so this is HUGE!! The teachers have been very warm and embracing and have called me regularly to give me updates that she is doing great during the day, having fun, and playing lots. While 3 year old crying at the good bye time is very common and normal, I am concerned about the lack of caring from teachers. Concerned Mom Got the pre-school blues, I can't offer any advice on how to make this transition easier for your son, but I can assure you that your attachment parenting style is NOT causing his difficulty! Anyway, it's been great ever since. Your goofball is still there she's just figuring how to be that way in a new situation.". Here's what usually happens: She spots me, she tells me she is not ready to go, I tell her she has ''5'' minutes and then it'll be time to go. I do not know if because of his cousin goes to school and he wants to be like her (he's looking up to her), or it was just the break from school for a week that enabled him to see the whole situation in perspective. Within a few days of the switch, her daughter loved school and came home happy every day. His second grade teacher highly recommended that we stop sending him to the after-school program at school and instead figure out something less stressful for him to do. Too many kids, not enough time . But the second and third weeks have been progressivly harder -- teary, clingy drop offs and now claims at home in the morning of ''I don't want to go to my new school today.'' If your daycare doesnt have a Family Board, ask if you can start one. After you leave, does he cry for just a couple minutes, and then start to participate? Finally she left briefly and eventually she would say goodbye and go. She told me to be sure that I was totally okay with leaving my daughter at school. Sorry in advance for the length of this, but I very much need help. This post really made me feel its all going to be ok. Thankyiu so much for the advice and keep doing what your doing. They listed different activities (like music, art, gym) and I tried to do activities. Few weeks ago, we started sending him full day as both of us are working and no one will be at home to take care of him. Mom of a clingy kid, Unless your child had real mental health issues, he will be fine. How long does it take for toddlers to adjust to daycare? He can be independent, he is very articulate for just turning 3 and usually appears very confident. We hope the extra time at home has enabled him to grow at his own pace, and that he'll be ready to deal with the challenges of school. We misunderstood the school's claim that it was ''developmental'' as being synonymous with ''play-based.'' I know how much this hurts as a mom. Toddler refusing to eat and losing weight, Toddler struggling with adjusting to school. Have the teachers redirect him and assure him that she will not leave. At that time, we enrolled him in a wonderful pre- school we thought he'd adore! On the plus side they didn't think anything was "wrong" with him medicallyand they've said they have obviously had this issue before (Especially for kids who haven't been in childcare before) and ones that were not super socialized (He wasn't, just stayed with grandma for the first 2 years of his life). He said, '' mama, it's ok. A reminder of home will make those first few trips to daycare a little easier and provide comfort on difficult days. He doesn't eat anything at school and doesn't engage much in the activities. One of them was okay the first week, when everything was novel and new, but after that it was torture to get him dressed and in the car and he screamed when I dropped him off. Stay, the toddler years - delightful, frustrating and darn right.... Wondering if we made a mistake separating him from his last situation... Kid, Unless your toddler not adjusting to daycare old and has been going to school to what both of you, n't. 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